


What the Fuck Even

by dapperghost



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Kinda, M/M, Porn, Sex, Smut, bro being hot, etc - Freeform, ironically crappy smut, its serious up until sex, neko! dad, this is rediculous, too hot hot damn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 22:05:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4116481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapperghost/pseuds/dapperghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bro opens his door to an unexpected guest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What the Fuck Even

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a friends birthday, and decided to post it here. They asked for this, I provided. Anyways happy birthday Marley! It's serious up until the smut where it gets really shitty but anyways.

It was an average morning for Bro Strider, the ruler of all things badass and ironic, as he woke up on a hot and sunny Houston morning. Dave was already at school, and he had the apartment to himself. He went out to the kitchen in his boxers, as well as his ever present shades, fingerless gloves, and hat. (Did he ever take those off? We just don’t know.) He got himself a cup of coffee, and as he was just taking his first gloriously fantabulous sip, the buzzer rang. Who the fuck could be here at this hour? Okay so it was noon but still. He really hoped to god it wasn’t another dissatisfied customer looking for a reason to yell at his face. 

He sighed, throwing on his polo shirt and jeans before heading over to open the door. As he looked out however, the sight surprised the hell out of him. Standing in the doorway, was a man. A man that looked surprisingly like Dave’s nerdy friend’s father. He looked average enough, with his white shirt, clean shave, black tie, and neatly pressed white pants. Not to mention the ever present hat the man seemed to always wear on his head. Like seriously, what was up with that? Then again Bro always had his hat, so who was he to judge? 

However there was something off about the whole display. Once Bro noticed what it was, he nearly dropped his cup of coffee. He didn’t obviously. He was way too cool for that. But still. He almost did. It was the closest thing he had to a surprised reaction, as he studied the other. What…the…fuck? 

On top of the other’s head, were two catlike ears that seemed to twitch and move like real cat ears, and appeared to be actually a part of the other, rather than just some robotic device. And behind the man, was a swaying, catlike tail to match. 

Bro definitely couldn’t believe what the fuck he was seeing. Sure he had seen some pretty weird things with all the anime he watched, as well as working in the puppet porn industry. Hell, he could tell so many fucked up stories your ears would bleed. And sure he’d seen this situation in some of the shows he watched. The more…lewd ones. But yet he’d never seen a neko in real life before. Especially not one that was John’s goddamn father.   
He glanced between his coffee and the other, unsure if he was seeing things. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand, blinking again. Nope. Not seeing things. Fuck. 

It was then that the other man cleared his throat, looking extremely uncomfortable at it all. His posture was less refined, and extremely awkward as he spoke. “Um…hello Mr. Strider. I hope I didn’t wake you…” 

“Uh nah you really didn’t. But what the fuck brings you here today? And uh…if ya don’t mind me asking, what’s up with the…new look?” Bro responded. 

“Oh…right yes. About that. I’m unsure of how it happened. I just know I woke up with this. And…well another issue. I had no clue who to turn to, and figured that you may be my best option. If you like, however, I can go.” 

“No no it’s cool. But why me? And what…other issue is there?” 

“Well um…I woke up feeling rather…Um….” He couldn’t finish the statement, instead turning a bright red. 

 

That was enough for Bro to catch on, however. He nodded, glancing away to hide the bit of red showing on his own face. It wasn’t the first time he’d thought about the single father in that way. There were many lonely nights spent beating it off to the image of Mr. Egbert, panting, wanting, and needy. And now he had the other. Right here. In front of him. And he had no clue what the fuck to do. 

“Uh…right I understand. But again. Why me?” Wow Bro. You were supposed to be cool, and here you were using uh like it was the next big thing in phrasing. 

“Well I would be lying if I said that I had not thought about you…and I before.” 

“Well damn, that makes two of us then. So what the hell are we gonna do about it, huh?” He lowered his voice some, smirking at the other. There was the cool Strider we all knew and loved. 

That made the father turn a darker shade of red than he already was, a small purr coming from somewhere in the back of his throat. Well shit that was new. But eh whatever. His eyes traced over the other, definitely approving of the lean, muscled body that showed even through the loose polo and jeans. “I think you should allow me to enter in order for us to discuss this business, in a calm, formal manner.” 

“I agree with you. Sounds like a damn good plan. Come on in and find a seat. Mi casa es su casa and all that jazz.” He stood aside, holding the door open for the other like the polite motherfucker he was. Sure he was an asshole, but he could be polite when he wanted. 

Dad entered, his tail swaying behind him and his ears twitching in a nervous but excited sort of tension. He sat down on the futon that doubled as Bro’s bed, and glanced over to the other. He squirmed slightly at the uncomfortableness in his pants, his mind wandering to what was to come as a tent formed in his lower regions. Well fuck if that wasn’t undignified. But oh well. 

Bro followed after, stealing another glance at the other. Damn was he hot. And not only that, it was like something straight out of one of his anime pornos. He felt his own jeans tightening as he thought more about it. He headed into the kitchen, calling to the other as he set down his mug. “Do you want any coffee or anything?” 

“Um…No thank you. I had some earlier. Although I would like a tall glass of something else,” Dad purred. Okay maybe that was slightly cheesy, but he was new to this. 

Bro almost choked on his own spit at that line, but managed to keep it together. The purr didn’t help though, and his jeans were becoming increasingly more uncomfortable. “I think I can manage that,” he replied in a deep voice, hips swaying slightly as he headed back over, taking a seat next to the other. 

At the increased proximity, Dad swallowed nervously, noting the temperature of the room seeming to increase by at least 10 degrees. Was it hot in here or was it just Bro. Hot damn. Okay Dad chill. He took a deep breath, looking at the other with the most sultry look he could. “Well, Mr. Strider, what are you waiting for?” He took off his hat, throwing it to the side somewhere, his ears twitching even more. 

Bro rose a brow, removing his own hat and unbuttoning his jeans as he pushed the other down, smirking more. “I dunno. You tell me, Mr. Egbert.” And with that he leaned down and kissed the other, fiercely and passionately. 

Dad let out a low moan at the kiss, loosening his tie with one hand as the other went to Bro’s shoulder. After a minute, however, he thought of something, pushing the other away and removing a cake from….somewhere? It’s best not to question it. “I brought something that might make this whole…adventure a bit more enjoyable.” 

Bro frowned. What the fuck? How would a cake help anything? And why would Dad push him away and ruin the mood just for it? Then, he noticed. The cake was covered in condoms, and written in icing were the words ‘Use protection’. As well as, on the side of the cake, a bottle of lube. Oh. Okay then. God Dad was weird. But so was Bro. It worked, he guessed. He smirked more as Dad set the cake down. “Good idea. Glad you thought of it.” He went back to kissing the other then. 

Soon more and more clothing disappeared, and both of them were naked as hell. The tail and ears remained, obviously, seeing as though they were apparently actually there and not in fact fake like Bro continued to wonder. It was then that they could get down to da actual biznastyness. 

Bro took the lube and put some on his fingers, giving Dad a smexy look as he waggled his brows til they flew away. He then stuck a finger in da booty hole in order to prepare the Dad for bangarangin. Meanwhile the Dad was squirmin and purrin like the horny kitty he was ayyy. Bro smirkeded as he added another finger and another til Dad was super mega homoready. 

Bro then whipped out his massive Strider dong nd stuck a condom and more lube on it (safety first yknow). Then he put it in the Dad bootyhole, letting out a hot hot tater tot groan. Dad purred loudly like an engine in a need for speedy speed car. And then they fucked. Hardcore. In out in out Bro pounded and noises were made so v loudly. The neighbors could hear it man it was fckikn loud. 

Soon Dad and Bro both did the cumming thing, yelling each other’s name like some cheesy porno. Because this is what that is only worse. Afterwards they were both panting as Bro pulled out, and Dad snuggled into the other, purring happily. 

Bro removed the condom and tied it off, before throwing it in the trash can with expert precision. He then snuggled the other back, and they both fell asleep, naked on the futon, as Dad purred, tail swishing calmly.


End file.
